


Fat Thumb

by Deenerann



Series: Schitt's Creek- Meet Cutes Gone Slightly Wrong [6]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Instagram Mistakes, M/M, Meet-Cute, meet ugly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:14:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25998091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deenerann/pseuds/Deenerann
Summary: Patrick momentarily forgets how Instagram works, much to his dismay.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Series: Schitt's Creek- Meet Cutes Gone Slightly Wrong [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1764997
Comments: 45
Kudos: 274





	Fat Thumb

Patrick Brewer had just made an enormous mistake.

His stupid fat fingers.

He tried to undo it as fast as he could, but he was afraid the damage had been done.

It wasn’t like he was stalking David Rose… not really.

It’s just, he’d been in Schitt’s Creek for some time now, and Ray constantly filled him in on the daily gossip, so when the topic of the Rose family finally came up, of course Patrick had to look them up.

He looked up Alexis’ Instagram first because that’s what he should do, right? He should look up the hot socialite’s Insta and see what she was about.

Only, when he did, he got bored within the first couple pictures. She was pretty enough, but he just wasn’t interested.

So, then he looked up David Rose.

Ray had been particularly gleeful when explaining how odd David was, and Patrick was curious.

When he found his Insta though ( _THEDavidRose_ … which was pretty pretentious, honestly) his heart slammed against his ribs at the very first picture.

Whoa.

WHOA.

Well, that wasn’t the reaction Patrick had been expecting to have, but he had it all the same. So, he continued to scroll. 

And scroll.

And scroll.

Until he’d fallen down the rabbit hole of _THEDavidRose_.

It was all well and fine until he accidentally liked a particularly hot picture of a shirtless David lounging on a pool floaty, flipping off the camera. He’d just meant to try and zoom in, forgetting he really couldn’t do that on Insta, and BAM… there was that little red heart.

The bigger problem was that the picture had been posted 197 weeks ago, which really gave away how insane his backread had gone.

He immediately unliked it, but was terrified that the damage had been done. He threw his phone down and got up to pace his room.

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.

Maybe he could just move to another town?

That might be for the best.

Unless… maybe David didn’t have push notifications on for likes. That was a possibility. He _had_ been a famous figure before, so maybe he didn’t have that on and Patrick’s mistake would go unnoticed.

He’d just started to relax, settling down on his bed to watch some sports highlights on his laptop when his phone chimed with a notification.

Patrick froze.

Maybe it was just his mom sending him a text… checking in on him like she’d been doing a lot lately.

That’s probably all it was.

He gingerly reached over and grabbed his phone, unlocking it to see what the notification was for.

Instagram.

Patrick’s heart lurched in his chest.

Was this what the beginning of a panic attack felt like?

He took a couple shallow breaths and opened the notification up. It could not have loaded more slowly, but once it did, his panic was justified.

A direct message.

From THEDavidRose.

Oh no.

Patrick let out a squeak and opened it with a shaky finger.

So, I was just going to ignore this very alarming like of a picture from four years ago  
  
But, then I thought I should see who it was from  
  
And I didn’t recognize you, but I see we have Ray Butani as a mutual?  
  
How do you know Ray?  
  


Patrick stared at the messages in horror.

_OhGod._

Well, David clearly had push notifications on.

Yeah… sorry about that. My finger slipped  
  
And, Ray is my boss/roommate  
  


David’s response was immediate.

Your finger SLIPPED on a half-naked picture of me from four years ago? How does that happen?  
  
Also, your boss/roommate? I’m gonna need more information. Which business venture of his are you supporting? Closet organization? Scary photoshopping? Real Estate? Are there any I’m forgetting?  
  


Patrick chuckled, his panic starting to recede a tiny bit. At least David didn’t seem to be mad or freaked out. He was trying to carry on a conversation, at least.

Never count out Ray’s ability to think of new ways to market himself  
  
And, I’m supporting them all right now. I’m basically his secretary  
  
Secretary? I thought Office Support was the more modern way to state that  
  
Okay, office support, then  
  
Okay, and… roommate? Like platonic, or…?  
  


Patrick cringed. Oh no. That’s NOT the impression he wanted David to have about this whole weird situation.

YES! Definitely platonic!!  
  
Well, that was emphatic. So, not into guys? That doesn’t explain why you liked a half-naked picture of me, then  
  


Patrick froze.

David was right. That definitely did not explain his reaction to David, or the rabbit hole he’d found himself going down. _That_ required some unpacking.

He considered David’s question. _“Not into guys?”_

Was that even true?

He thought back on his life.

To leaving Rachel essentially at the alter because he couldn’t fathom a life with her.

To his days in team sports, trying not to blush bright red in the locker room.

 _Oh God_.

Wait.

Trying not to freak out in the locker room? He always just thought he was just shy. Maybe there was more to it than that.

His phone vibrated.

Okay, your silence is starting to alarm me  
  


Patrick blinked rapidly, shaking his head.

Sorry, sorry! I was just thinking about what you said…um…typed  
  
What part?  
  
About not being into guys  
  
And?  
  
I don’t know if that’s true. I’m still trying to unpack that  
  
But, I’m definitely not into Ray! This is just the only place I could find to stay when I moved here short notice, and then he offered me a job at the same time I was signing the papers for the room, so it just worked out  
  
Ah, that makes sense  
  
Ray is nothing if not... enthusiastic about things  
  


Patrick laughed.

You could say that, yes  
  
So… you were apparently looking at a lot of my pictures for a guy who isn’t sure if he’s into guys  
  


Patrick flushed hot. David had a point.

To be fair, Ray talks about you guys a lot, so I was curious  
  
I looked up Alexis first, if that makes a difference  
  
Ah. How far did you get in her photos?  
  
Only about four of them  
  
You only looked at four of her photos but scrolled through four YEARS of mine?  
  
It appears so, yes  
  
Well, I think you might be more into guys than you realize, if you want help unpacking  
  
What’s your name anyway? BBallBrewer doesn’t give me much to work with. What does that even mean?  
  
Brewer is my last name and I used to play a lot of baseball. My name is Patrick  
  
Ah, well, I don’t do the sports thing, so my mind went to other sorts of balls and then beer, and honestly, I was really confused about the whole logistics involved in that  
  


Patrick laughed out loud and his whole body tingled over the image of David and beer and his balls… _oh_.

Oh wow.

He glanced down at his lap and took in the situation that had suddenly arose.

He blinked a few times and tried to unpack even more than he had previously.

His phone buzzed.

You still there?  
  
Did I scare you away with all the talk of balls?  
  
Um… I wouldn’t say scared is the reaction I’m having  
  
WELL  
  
That's something  
  
Can I make a confession?  
  
Yes please?  
  
I scrolled through your photos, too. Before I messaged. I didn’t get through four YEARS worth, mind you, but I did get through quite a few. You post a lot of random things. Also, you seem to be alarmingly fond of cactuses. There’s a joke there somewhere  
  


Patrick snorted, but David’s admission did nothing to alleviate the situation happening in his pants.

I’m sure Freud would have a field day with my plant selection, yes  
  
And what did you think of my pictures?  
  
I messaged you, didn’t I?  
  
You did. What does that mean, exactly?  
  
You're very cute, Patrick  
  
And you apparently live in Schitt’s Creek… willingly… and that alone should keep me from asking you this, but what the hell  
  


Patrick swallowed, the tingling in his body intensifying.

Asking me what?  
  
Do you maybe want to meet up for drinks? Have you been to the Wobbly Elm? I realize that it’s a horrifying establishment, but it’s all we got. The café is not an option. Twyla would never leave us alone  
  


Patrick stared at his phone, his heart pounding in his ears.

Had David Rose just asked him out?

How was this real life?

I haven’t actually been to that fine establishment, but I have driven past. To be clear, are you asking me out on a date, David?  
  
Depends  
  
Would you be open to me asking you out on a date?  
  
Very  
  
Then, yes. That's what this is  
  


Patrick grinned at his phone.

Oh, _fuck_ yes.

Then I would love to meet you for drinks at the Wobbly Elm, David  
  
Should we say 8?  
  
Tonight?  
  
Sure. Unless you have other plans?  
  
I do not, no  
  
8 works fine. I'll see you there, BBallBrewer  
  
Looking forward to it, THEDavidRose  
  


Patrick set down his phone and tried to sort out what the hell had just happened.

Then he looked down at his lap and realized he probably should take a shower before Ray barged in his room and had questions about why Patrick was sitting on his bed with a raging hard on.

With the myriads of pictures of David he’d consumed fresh in his mind, he grabbed a change of clothes and headed to the bathroom to deal with how the whole interaction affected him.

Tonight was going to be even _more_ enlightening. He was sure of that.

***

After three confusing but satisfying showers, four outfit changes, and a drive he didn’t really remember making, Patrick sat in his car outside the Wobbly Elm.

It was 7:52, and there was a chance David was already inside.

Patrick pulled out his phone and opened Instagram, glancing at a few pictures of David again—just to be sure he knew who to look for.

He laughed at himself.

Sure. As if he’d forgotten what David looked like.

Taking a deep breath, he stuffed his phone in his pocket and got out of the car to head inside.

The bar was dark and dingy and filled with people who alternated between terrifying and ancient. He could not even remotely picture someone like David willingly frequenting a place like this, but as he’d said earlier… there weren’t many other options in Schitt’s Creek.

Thank god Patrick wasn’t normally much of a drinker.

He searched the bar and didn’t see David, so maybe he wasn’t there yet. For some reason that made Patrick feel better, so he went to the bar to order a pint of beer and wait. He sat down on a stool and perused the random assortment of people hanging out in the place.

He saw Ronnie and fortunately she hadn’t seen him yet. For some reason, every time she did, she just glared and muttered something under her breath. It always looked a little like "thumb." For the life of him, he had no idea what he’d done to piss her off, but she obviously didn’t like him. He really hoped she didn’t spot him before David showed up. She was chatting up a woman, both of them sitting close to each other in a booth, so he thought maybe he’d be safe.

Looking around, he took in the rest of the patrons—bikers, farmers, maybe a couple Amish? That was weird.

The front door opened and Patrick glanced over at it, then froze in his seat. He probably looked like a deer caught in headlights.

David had walked in, and…

Holy.

Fuck.

His pictures on Insta had not even come close to doing him justice.

He was tall, with long legs and broad shoulders, and was currently wearing ripped black skinny jeans, a white tee shirt, and the sexiest leather jacket Patrick had ever seen.

He was a fucking vision.

David’s gaze searched the room before finally landing on Patrick and stopping. The corner of David’s mouth turned up in a smile that had Patrick feeling things down to his toes. It was a dangerous smile—full of promises Patrick really hoped he’d keep.

David stalked over—because that really was the best way to describe his movement—and stopped in front of Patrick, his gaze raking him up and down.

“Well, hello,” he purred. “You look very nice.”

Patrick had thought the three separate times he’d gotten off earlier would be enough to extinguish whatever internal fire David seemed to have ignited, but that didn’t appear to be the case. His voice ignited it right back up into some kind of inferno.

“You look _amazing_ ,” Patrick blurted out, then felt himself blush.

David grinned, and the dimples that popped out nearly had Patrick falling off the stool.

David gave the bartender his order—a simple cosmopolitan, and motioned towards the booths at the back of the bar.

“Should we go sit?”

Patrick nodded dumbly. He couldn’t formulate words, so he just followed David through the bar and slid into the seat across from him, staring.

David’s smile morphed from a roguish grin to a slightly shy thing, more upturned on one side than the other.

“You’re staring.”

Patrick nodded again and cleared his throat. “I’m not sure what else you expected, showing up looking like that.”

The bright smile that overtook David’s face nearly knocked Patrick sideways.

“Well, I’m glad you approve. It’s probably overdoing it for a place like this, but I wanted to impress.”

“Ohhhh, I’m impressed.”

David smirked and cocked his head. “You’re cuter than your pictures.”

“And you’re hotter than yours,” Patrick responded without thinking.

David grinned. “Well. This date is starting out exceptionally.”

Patrick blinked, knowing his face was probably bright red. “Um, I’ve never actually… done this before.”

“Gone on a date with a guy, you mean?” David asked.

Patrick nodded. “So, I have no idea what I’m doing.”

David shrugged. “I mean, I assumed you hadn’t, based on our conversation earlier. I could feel the gay panic over the phone.” David’s eyes widened and his face went slightly pink. “I mean… if that’s what… well, I probably shouldn’t have said that. Or assumed that. Sorry.”

Patrick laughed, the sound a little strangled. “David, if we’re being completely honest here, I had to take three showers this afternoon to try and get you out of my system, so I think your assumption is pretty accurate.”

David’s eyes went wider, his pupils getting very large. “Are you saying…?”

Patrick nodded, “They were very nice showers.”

David’s mouth dropped open. “Fuck,” he breathed, his eyes a little wild. “Well. Now that I’m picturing that, I think I’m going to need a couple showers myself.”

Patrick’s mouth went dry and he took a long drink of beer. David watched him, his gaze on Patrick’s throat. When Patrick set the glass down, David looked back up and met his eyes, then glanced around the bar.

“I know we literally just met and you’ve never even considered being into guys before you looked at my Insta, but like… I think I really want a more private venue than this. Do you want to go out back for a minute?”

Patrick’s heartbeat sped up. “Um, sure? And, for the record, that’s not true. The considering bit. I just don’t think I realized that’s what I was doing until today.”

David nodded. “Good. Good. Um….” He stood and held out his hand, motioning with his head toward the hallway that looked like it led to a back exit.

Patrick reached out and took his hand. The contact speared through him like lightning.

David stared at him, his eyes going a little wilder. “Outside,” he croaked, tugging Patrick down the hall. Once they were outside in the relative darkness, with only a small pathway littered with cigarette butts and the smell of the deep fryers around them, David yanked Patrick forward until their bodies were flush against each other, his arms snaking around Patrick’s shoulders.

Patrick only had time to suck in a breath before David’s lips were on his, and—oh!

Oh, wow.

Wow.

_Wow._

Was this what kissing was supposed to feel like?

Patrick reached around and scrambled for purchase on David’s back, the leather slick under his hands. Whimpering into the kiss, he felt around until he managed to work his way underneath the jacket, the heat of David’s back burning his senses. He wanted to touch his skin, but still had enough wherewithal to keep from going _that_ far within the first five minutes of meeting him.

David didn’t seem to mind. He whined into the kiss and pulled Patrick tighter against his body, his tongue probing deeper.

Patrick melted into it, his neurons misfiring as David kissed him even more deeply. Finally, some semblance of self-preservation must have kicked in because as soon as David’s hands snaked down Patrick’s shoulders and reached for the button of his jeans, he broke away and stepped back, panting.

“Um, I think… I think I’m going to need to go a little slower than that, David.”

David dropped his hands and nodded, his pupils still blown out as he stared at Patrick. “Right, of course. Sorry!”

Patrick shook his head, leaning forward to kiss David again, quick and hard. “It’s not that I don’t want to. I _definitely_ want to. It’s just… this is so new, for me… and if that kiss is any indication of how things would be with us in other areas… well I’m not sure I’d survive it quite yet.”

David laughed and bit his lip. “Right, right. Very wise. I think I’ll definitely want you to survive… whatever we do.” He glanced down at the ground and then back up at Patrick, his expression shy. “Do you want to go back in, or…?”

Patrick nodded. “I think so. Yeah. I want to spend some time getting to know you. Is that okay?”

David watched him for a second, something that looked remarkably like wonder in his gaze. “Yeah, that’s definitely okay, Patrick. I—I’d like to get to know you, too.”

“Well, let’s go have some drinks and do that.” Patrick held out his hand and David took it.

As they wandered down the hallway towards the bar, David squeezed Patrick’s hand and murmured, “For the record, this is already the best first date I’ve been on.”

Patrick stopped for a second and stared at him. “Really? Does that mean you’re open for a second date?”

David grinned and nodded. “If you’re asking, I’m accepting.”

“Oh, I’m definitely asking,” Patrick said, his voice coming out more growly than he meant it to.

David’s eyes widened and he looked almost gleeful. “Well, should I just go ahead and schedule you in for date number three while we’re at it?”

Patrick laughed. “That sounds perfect, David.”

He tugged David forward, and as they entered back into the low light of the bar, Patrick realized that it really _did_ sound perfect.

Thank god for his stupid Instagram snafu.

It might actually end up being the happiest mistake of his life.


End file.
